"Whatever you're doing inside of me, it feels like chaos, yet somehow there's peace...."
I'm dropping out of the school of hard knocks, bad decision, mistakes and sadness. I'm heading for really great things. I know I am. I'm more confidant than I've been in a long time that I'm where I need to be. And I'm giving in. To something Heavenly.
"It's time for a milestone, time to begin again." I know better. I'll do better. "Am I doing everything to follow your will or just climbing aimlessly over these hills?" A little of both, unfortunately. I'd follow, then get frustrated and move aimlessly through my life. It's an awful way to live and it's taken its toll on me emotionally....
"You're up to something bigger than me, larger than life, something heavenly. Whatever you're doing inside of it feels like chaos but now I can see. This is something bigger than me, larger than life, something heavenly."
Why was I shown and offered the perfect job that never came to be? I was put thru the ringer. I was on my A game. I was ready to start, hit the ground running. Fell through. I was beyond frustrated and a lot annoyed that this job that was mine was dangled in front of me for no reason....
Maybe it was preparing me for the job I'm about to have. If everything works and falls into place I honestly will be doing my dream job. Nothing that I would have ever looked for or thought too much about but it's funny now to look back over conversations, thoughts, ideas, that I've had and shared with friends and family recently now actually, potentially, turning into something. Bigger than me. Bigger than the dreams I had. Bigger than the places I was sending my resumes everyday. A job that isn't created yet but will be created. By me. For me.
"Time to release all my held back tears..." God's grace and mercy is the reason I'm where I am. Why I wasn't forgotten. Why I get 2nd chances. I don't deserve it. That's the nice thing about grace.
I'm blessed. I'm so truly beyond blessed. I'm ready. I'm excited. I know that my life is now coming together. I feel the pieces fitting. I feel the difference in me. I see the difference in me. I don't know what I'll do when this actually comes together and I have a job that is more than I ever could have imagined. It's the culmination of everything I love. And it's going to be mine. I know it. Tomorrow I'll lay more of the ground work and will close it next week.
I'm excited. I'm actually kind of giddy. This isn't a maybe. This is my time!! Something bigger than me, it's something heavenly inside of me!! And I'm going to go to everything I can to make this mine!
Thank you for your love, prayers, forgiveness and encouragement!! Xo