People all around me are having great things happen to them. I'm happy for them. I know a lot of people who have been looking for the right job, or man, or shoes or whatever for a long time and I like that I'm still able to celebrate their joy and good news with them.
I haven't become bitter. Frustrated, annoyed, impatient...sure. But not bitter. And still optimistic. Which sometimes makes me feel naive. But at least I'm not a naive, bitter pessimist.
Guys come and go. If anyone knows that it's me. I hate when I cant figure out what's going on in the mind of someone I'm seeing. Or more accurately I guess I hate when I won't allow myself to accept who they are showing me they are. Actions, words...yea yea yea.
I'm not waiting for my time anymore. Who knows when that will be. I'm going on interviews, I'm dating, I'm staying busy with friends, I'm trying to better myself on this never ending journey of the meantime.
I'd be lying if I said it doesn't bother me that I'm still here. It's a fight sometimes to block out the negative thoughts that some people in my life have placed in my mind. But thank God I have enough loving, caring people who have placed encouraging words and love in my heart that negates the bad that seeps in.
I'm emotional right now and that annoys me. Have some stuff going on inside of me that's not right so I'm going to the Dr this week to see if he can figure it out. Hopefully it's an easy fix.
He's just not that into you. You're under qualified. You're overqualified. We went a different direction. I'm just not that into him. I'm tired of being sad. I'm tired of being left behind.
I'm tired of this pity party so I'm going to end on something positive. Even when you realize your value and what you have to offer others whether it's dating, jobs, family, friends...sometimes you'll still be hurt, disappointed and let down. It doesn't mean you've failed. It just means that you still believe that better is out there for you.
I'm blessed. My life is designed with a specific purpose in mind and I know that God hasn't forgotten me. I'll continue to pray, believe, hope and understand that when it's right for me, my life will finally make sense.
This is the exact conversation that I had with myself last Wednesday. The hardest convo I think I've ever had! In more ways than one I can relate to everything you are feeling!
ReplyDeletexoxo