Sunday, May 9, 2010

Concierge of crazy

I do a lot for people. I take care of my friends and family. I'm a nurturer and a cake taker, it's what I do. I give more than I get. And I'm done doing it for people that don't reciprocate.

Mother's Day was hard. But I got through it. I continue to get through life.

I'm tired of getting through. I'm ready to live life. I'm not sure how to do that when nothing changes, everything stays the same.

I've invited people into my life who don't deserve to be there. Because I'm bored. Because I've been down on myself. Because I thought maybe attractive by association would be true.

I'm most attractive, most me, most lovable, when I'm busy. When I have stuff going on. When I have multiple outlets for my love, energy, creativity. Right now I've got everything inside me with few outlets and I was trying to make something out of something that never should have been. Because I was bored. I was flattered and I was charmed.

Bored, flattery and charm. 3 tools of the devil. Idle time and all that. Sooo...tomorrow I'm going to find something to do with my time. Something that will bring smiles to others, joy to others, maybe hope to others.

I'm not giving up. I will still be a concierge and help those who need it and will appreciate it. Just, for the last time hopefully, getting the crazy out of my life.

I'm blessed. My heart is heavy right now and I'm fighting the sadness, disappointment and frustration of my current circumstances, but I'm fighting. I will make it through this. And I'll be better for it...

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